The Simple Pastor
By Phil Whittall, church planter, blogger & book reviewer
RT @lukedvd: Hope his resignation from the England manager job will allow @JoelVirgo to focus on his church duties #nomorehairdye 16 hrs ago
The cost is too high (on average £20,000), the content too light, the preparation often non-existent and for many it is paper over cracks. Brown is right when he says,
“What you’re doing isn’t a step into fairyland. And if it does turn out to be the gateway to a new life, that is one that will have to be built over time and unglamorously with the unpromising materials of the old one.”
But not all people approach marriage like that – a couple of weeks ago at the wedding of some dear friends you saw the culmination of a thoughtful process, a discovery of friendship, a journey to understanding the vows and promises. Cost had been counted and joyful, loving decisions had been made.
Not all the guests would have seen that, but for me that made the wedding more special. I’d seen some of the journey, participated in some of the discussions, watched and prayed for it. So when the moment came to make a vow of commitment to another person – you could endorse, support, celebrate all that was being said. It was done with gratitude to God who had led them and guided them, the songs and worship weren’t part of the ceremony but one of the reasons for it.
Wonderful stuff, only slightly marred by having to wrestle a fidgety two year old while being frustrated at my own lack of patience.
But this is why community is so important, relationships are vulnerable when they become disconnected from community (which I have sadly seen too many times) and that rarely ends well. They are vulnerable if they are built apart from friendship, accountability and genuine scrutiny. they are more vulnerable still if they try to survive without it. Our relationships are a curious mix of personal, private and public and we run grave risks when we lose that third component.
So while some weddings definitely make me cringe and in my gloomier moments wonder when they will become another sad statistic. Others remind me of the beauty and wonder and joy of a publicly covenanted relationship.
I notice it when I start another piece of work instead of heading home, when my schedule fills up and my quiet times fall down. Work takes over, preaching becomes a task not a privilege, pastoral meetings become chores not opportunities to grow in compassion, prayer becomes an obligation not a passion. And yet all the time the jobs just keep on growing, the to-do list never shrinks, the wheels keep turning and if you’re not careful they grind you down. My guess is that no matter what your profession this can happen, but it’s quite dangerous if your profession is ‘shepherd of God’s flock’ (1 Pet 5:2).
When work becomes an idol, personal relationships can suffer, when work becomes the number one thing, we end up making sacrifices in all the wrong places. Even the options seem limited or non-existent. That’s another trap I’ve spotted.
What’s the solution? Sometimes I confess that I have no idea, I’m as all at sea as the next person. But I wonder if the clues don’t lie in the direction of seeing life as a gift (have a read of this Promise of Life) and realising that my job today is not to achieve, nor to strive, but to obey and to trust. I am not God and that’s a good place to start learning. But I must remind myself of this truth daily, I am not God nor is my work, my money, my home, my relationships, my hopes and ambitions. I must cast down the idols within me.
As I do that, I begin to find rest and grace from God to do the best I can. To love my family, serve my church and work through my inbox and if I don’t get it all done, who knows maybe there’s tomorrow. I do all this in His presence, with Him throughout my day, sometimes I remember that and sometimes I don’t. It’s easier when I do.
For some excellent words on idols and not just casting them down but replacing them with a greater affection read Tim Keller’s Counterfeit Gods. Review coming soon.
Over the past few days I’ve been sorting through the household paperwork and getting the filing in order. Bills to be paid, records to keep you know the sort of thing.
Amongst the important but boring were some things of a more personal nature, a few photos, some certificates of achievement and a stack of letters. Most of them were written to me while I was a student (1993-1996) and while I was working in Burundi (1999-2000). Some of the letters contained nothing of any great note and they went to the recycling and others shared more than the events of the week, asked questions and offered answers, told of hopes and dreams and those I kept.
It struck me that it’s been some time since I received, or wrote, a letter. I email, I facebook, I text, I sometimes tweet. Each new form of communication shorter and more rushed than the one that preceded it. Emails become (assuming they have a purpose) business like and to the point. Emails get things done. Texts, messages on Facebook or Twitter connect but rarely do they build relationships.
Even the letters that didn’t stand the test of time in terms of their content still communicated. They told me of a friend who took the time to write, to tell me about their lives and not just assume I’ll notice their latest status update. It made me think that some friendships are too good to just let slide because distance and busyness get in the way.
Last month I reflected that it does me good to walk at the pace of my young son and see the world with some fresh wonder, and now I see another lesson to slow things down a bit. Letter writing is slow both in the creation and the delivery compared to the speed of email and the almost instant nature of texts and tweets. But I’m not sure instant gratification or shallow connection is what I want from those I’m close to. If I can’t be with them in person, then writing some considered thoughts on paper may be the next best thing.
I’m sure the art of writing a good letter is rapidly vanishing from our society but I think our society is poorer as a result. I’m sure I am poorer as a result. Time to think about the one I am writing to, time to think about what I want to say, time to write what’s really important rather than immediate and temporary, time to build relationships with those I love but am not near. It’s time to find out where I put the fountain pen…
I believe Jesus when he said 'life does not consist in the abundance of our possessions'. I believe he offers something better. This blog is mostly about that search.
I'm also a husband, a father, church planter, keen runner, reader, and motorcyclist. These and a few other things make guest appearances from time to time.
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