“Having grown weary and impatient, I want to snap and say, “It won’t work, not in the long run. Marriage is hard enough when you have two believers who are completely in harmony spiritually. Just spare yourself the heartache and get over it.” Yet such harshness is neither in line with the gentleness of Christ, nor convincing.”
The cost is too high (on average £20,000), the content too light, the preparation often non-existent and for many it is paper over cracks. Brown is right when he says,
“What you’re doing isn’t a step into fairyland. And if it does turn out to be the gateway to a new life, that is one that will have to be built over time and unglamorously with the unpromising materials of the old one.”
But not all people approach marriage like that – a couple of weeks ago at the wedding of some dear friends you saw the culmination of a thoughtful process, a discovery of friendship, a journey to understanding the vows and promises. Cost had been counted and joyful, loving decisions had been made.
Not all the guests would have seen that, but for me that made the wedding more special. I’d seen some of the journey, participated in some of the discussions, watched and prayed for it. So when the moment came to make a vow of commitment to another person – you could endorse, support, celebrate all that was being said. It was done with gratitude to God who had led them and guided them, the songs and worship weren’t part of the ceremony but one of the reasons for it.
Wonderful stuff, only slightly marred by having to wrestle a fidgety two year old while being frustrated at my own lack of patience.
But this is why community is so important, relationships are vulnerable when they become disconnected from community (which I have sadly seen too many times) and that rarely ends well. They are vulnerable if they are built apart from friendship, accountability and genuine scrutiny. they are more vulnerable still if they try to survive without it. Our relationships are a curious mix of personal, private and public and we run grave risks when we lose that third component.
So while some weddings definitely make me cringe and in my gloomier moments wonder when they will become another sad statistic. Others remind me of the beauty and wonder and joy of a publicly covenanted relationship.
“I’m more and more persuaded as I study Scripture that my life is intended by God to be a community project. We were designed to live in community – first, community with God and second, community with other people. We were formed to be social beings, and all of the places where I need to grow and change – the development of my gifts, my understanding, my wisdom – doesn’t happen individually. It happens in community. In addition, one of God’s best tools for revealing and changing hearts is marriage. So it’s [through community, marriage and family] that I actually become more of what God has designed me to be. You could argue that, in God’s design, the fundamental social building block of human culture is marriage. Isn’t it interesting that the marriage relationship is the picture that God uses of His relationship to us?”
I believe Jesus when he said 'life does not consist in the abundance of our possessions'. I believe he offers something better. This blog is mostly about that search.
I'm also a husband, a father, church planter, keen runner, reader, and motorcyclist. These and a few other things make guest appearances from time to time.
RSS
Twitter
Facebook
Google+
LinkedIn
Picasa
